


The Right Fit

by patton_pending



Series: 25 Days of Ficmas [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Morning, Christmas Presents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Morality | Patton Sanders, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21626266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patton_pending/pseuds/patton_pending
Summary: Patton has a tendency to wear their binder for a bit longer than necessary, but it’s usually fine. Usually.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: 25 Days of Ficmas [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558666
Comments: 9
Kudos: 136





	The Right Fit

**Author's Note:**

> This is the ficlet I wrote that inspired the idea for a holiday themed fic every day until Christmas!!! It didn’t start out with a holiday theme (more than anything it was actually a vent fic) but once I finished it I thought “why not keep this up?” and here we are :3 Enjoy!!! :D
> 
> Warnings: improper binder usage, mentions of gender dysphoria, crying, brief hospital mention, and I think that’s it but lemme know if I missed anything!!

Patton walked down the street with their boyfriend hand in hand. It was a cool early winter evening, so of course Virgil insisted on wearing his oversized hoodie like a second skin.

The two were on their way to the movie theatre, which Virgil suggested as an early Christmas present, but Patton knew he just really wanted to go see _Frozen II_ again. As they walked, Patton felt another sharp pain in the centre of their chest. It wasn't too bad, and really they barely felt it, but they were still worried. They'd been getting a bit of pain for a little while now. Perhaps they'd been wearing their binder for too long. How many hours had they been wearing it? They couldn't remember.

They shrugged it off as the theatre came into view. It would be fine. They'd be fine.

Virgil had insisted on paying, since it was his gift to them, but Patton had put up a fight. They didn’t want Virgil to end up spending a bunch of money. In the end, Patton volunteered to pay for popcorn and drinks and Virgil could pay for the tickets. He was clearly hesitant about the compromise, but Patton remained resolute.

Virgil paid for their tickets, and as they walked up to the concession stand, Patton felt the pain in their chest again. It was stronger this time and felt more constricting. They were a little more worried now but decided that if they'd been binding for several hours than what was less than two more going to do?

They got their popcorn and drinks, Patton doing their best to hide their discomfort. It was far too late for them to do anything now, so what was the point in complaining? There were plenty of reasons to keep their pain to themself.

Of course, there were also plenty of reasons to speak up.

They and Virgil had a seat in the theatre room, ready to watch _Frozen II_. Patton took a sip of their Pepsi and tried to ignore the growing pain in their chest. It was fine. They hadn't been wearing their binder long enough to cause too much damage, if any at all.

Everything was _fine_.

They and Virgil exchanged a glance, Patton forcing a smile. Virgil grinned and fed them a piece of popcorn. They giggled quietly and did the same for him. They shared a short, sweet kiss, Virgil wrapping an arm around Patton's shoulders. He pressed a kiss to their temple, sending a wave of heat across their cheeks as they blushed.

"You're the sweetest, sugar cube," Patton murmured with a shy smile.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure, scientifically speaking, it's actually you who's the sweetest," Virgil fired back with a grin, Patton softly chuckling.

They suddenly felt another sharp pain in their chest, this one much stronger and unable to be ignored. They sucked in air through their teeth, quickly covering it up with a small cough and taking another sip of their pop.

"You okay?" Virgil asked, the concern in his voice thinly veiled.

"Oh, I'm fine," they quickly assured, feigning a smile. They cleared their throat a bit more dramatically than necessary, but still convincingly. "Just something in my throat is all."

Virgil didn't seem to buy it but dropped the subject as the lights dimmed and the trailers began. Patton could barely focus on the screen as they attempted to regulate their breathing, which proved quite difficult.

They focused on the feeling of Virgil's hand in theirs, keeping them grounded. It was damn near impossible to breathe and they felt like they were going to implode. It felt as though their binder was suffocating them, crushing their ribs and making it impossible to take in any air.

They managed to get through three of the trailers before a particularly painful throb caused them to wince, clutching their chest with their free hand.

"Oh my god, hey, babe, what's wrong?" Virgil asked, his voice soft yet laced with anxiety.

Patton couldn't respond. They were trying not to sob in front of all these people, even if none of them were paying attention.

"Binder?" Virgil whispered. Patton gave a sharp nod, and that was all Virgil needed.

He helped Patton out of their seat and quickly led them to the restrooms, stopping and fumbling a bit before going into the men's.

"Do you need help taking it off?" he asked.

"I-I'm fine," Patton replied, their voice breaking. They glanced behind them at the stalls before looking back at Virgil. "I just... I, um...."

"Do you need me to...?" He trailed off, gesturing towards the doors.

"N-no, you're fine, I'm just gonna...."

They went into the closest stall and fumbled with their shirt, taking it off as quickly as they could. They tugged their binder over their head, not bothering to unclasp it, and threw it to the floor at their feet as they pulled their shirt back on.

They looked down at their sizeable chest and felt tears spring to their eyes. They hated the way their body was built. It was so difficult to bind, and it certainly didn't help that they decided to cheap out on their binder. Their mother paid for it, and they would have felt bad making her pay extra for one from gc2b, and now they regret it immensely.

They bent down and picked up their binder, taking in a shaky breath as they wiped their eyes. They walked out of the stall, met with Virgil's sympathetic smile. The tears in Patton's eyes blurred their vision as they walked over and wrapped their arms around Virgil's waist, who wasted no time in returning the gesture.

They sobbed into his chest as he soothingly rubbed their back up and down. They couldn't believe they were such an idiot. They were just so desperate to keep their chest as flat as possible that they didn't think twice about the repercussions. Their dysphoria was particularly bad today, not that that was exactly news.

"Better?" Virgil asked tenderly once Patton's cries petered off.

"Yeah," they croaked in response, snuffling quietly. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, no, hey, don't apologise. You're okay, Pat, everything's okay."

"Everything's _not_ okay, Virge. You know it's not." There was a pause before Virgil spoke.

"Okay, you're right. You were in pain and didn't say anything. Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I thought I could handle it. I thought it was fine. I was gonna take it off as soon as I got home."

"Pat, you know that as soon as you feel chest pain, you need to take your binder off. That's, like, the golden rule of binding. You could've ended up in the damn _hospital_ , you know that."

Patton pulled away from Virgil, holding their binder to their chest to cover their bust and wiping their eyes. They felt unbelievably vulnerable like this.

"I just can't stand the way I look. I... I want a chest like yours, but I can't afford it, and it _kills_ me. It absolutely destroys me that I can't be... my truest self because I'm fucking broke."

There was a moment of silence, and Patton felt like crying again. Before they could, Virgil took off his hoodie and wrapped them up in it, getting their arms through the sleeves and zipping it up. He rested a hand on Patton's cheek and kissed their forehead.

"No matter what you look like, you're always your truest self. I mean, when I was transitioning, I was becoming my truest self even before I got my surgery. None of that matters, Pat. Absolutely none of it. You're embracing who you are, no matter what... obstacles or limitations you're being faced with. I know it hurts that you don't look the way you want to, but you're valid no matter what. I promise."

A small smile lit up Patton's face and they met Virgil's lips in a kiss. They quickly embraced him, nuzzling the crook of his neck.

"Thank you, Virge," they murmured into his ear.

"Don't mention it, babe," Virgil whispered back.

~

A few weeks later was Christmas morning, and Patton awoke bright and early. They always did at this time of year. And this year was the first Christmas they and Virgil would be celebrating in their new apartment. Patton was all kinds of excited.

They cuddled up next to Virgil, who was still asleep beside them. They traced their fingers along the mostly faded symmetrical scars on Virgil's bare chest, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"Virgil," they whispered playfully. "Rise and shine, pumpkin pie."

Virgil merely groaned, enveloping Patton in his arms and holding them securely to his chest. Patton couldn't help but giggle at their adorably sleepy boyfriend.

"Virgil, baby, I know you know what day it is."

"Mm-mm," Virgil grunted in reply, Patton giggling again.

"Virgil, please."

"No. We're not leaving this bed until tomorrow," he stated firmly, Patton rolling their eyes fondly.

"Well that's a little unrealistic."

"Don't care."

Patton huffed out a tired laugh, allowing their eyes to close as they rested their head on Virgil's chest. They listened to the sound of his heartbeat, a soothing melody. They had to admit, they wanted to hibernate as much as Virgil did. However, there were better things to do than sleep in.

Of course, Patton was having trouble thinking of those things.

Virgil began mindlessly playing with their curly hair, soothing them even further. They hummed contentedly, a sleepy smile forming on their face. They let out a deep yawn, wrinkling their nose a bit.

"Mm, Virgil, sweetie, it's Christmas."

"I know."

"There are presents under the tree."

"They can wait."

"Logan and Roman are coming over."

"They can wait, too."

Patton chuckled as they wrapped him up in a hug. They yawned again, the feeling of Virgil's hand in his hair beginning to lull him back to sleep. They forced their eyes open, letting out a deep sigh.

"We can't sleep forever, Vee-Vee," they mumbled, their eyes managing to slip closed once more.

"We can try."

Patton tried to laugh at that, but it sounded more like a scoff. They began muttering about how they wanted Virgil to open his gift since they were so excited to see his reaction, but they knew he was barely able to follow anyway. They rambled in a half asleep daze, a little unsure of whatever words had begun pouring out of their mouth, until they eventually dozed off.

It couldn't have been more than an hour before Patton awoke once more to the soft sound of Virgil's quiet snoring. His arms were still wrapped around them, holding them close in his sleep. Patton smiled lazily, blinking the sleep from their eyes.

"Virgie," they uttered, deeply yawning. "I love you, but you're snoring."

They gently tapped his shoulder, getting a soft groan in response. Virgil blearily opened his eyes, yawning deeply and rubbing his face.

"That's because I was asleep. And I was enjoying it. I had a dream that I was taking a nap, so I was double cosy." He grinned as Patton giggled.

"We should go open presents before Roman and Logan get here. Please, please, please?"

"Ugh, presents," Virgil grumbled. "Santa needs to get his ass down the chimney and bring the presents to us so we don't have to get up," he quipped, Patton giggling again.

"C'mon, sweetie, I think you'll really like what I got you. It'll be worth it."

Virgil sighed, though he didn't seem upset or irritated. If anything, he seemed... longing. He gazed into Patton's eyes and ran a hand through their hair, allowing the faintest smile to grace his features.

"I know I will," he mumbled. "I love every little thing you do. God, mornings make me sentimental, ugh," he groaned, though he still grinned.

Patton sat up, dragging Virgil up with them. They pecked his lips, smiling brightly.

"I love you, gumdrop."

"And I love you, baby blue."

Patton eventually managed to coerce Virgil out of bed with the promise of coffee, and once they both had their mugs of sacred bean juice, the two of them sat by the tree with their presents. Patton insisted that Virgil open his first, taking a sip of their thoroughly sweetened coffee. Once Virgil realised what was in the sizeable box, he nearly spit out his own from sheer surprise.

"Holy shit, Pat," they muttered, smiling widely at Patton, who mirrored the expression.

"You like them?"

" _Like_ them?" Virgil echoed incredulously, holding up the vinyl record of Evanescence's album Fallen and thoroughly admiring it before carefully setting it to the side. He then unfolded the Black Parade jacket and huffed out a laugh, completely giddy like a kid in a candy store. He quickly put the jacket on and seemed quite pleased that it fit. "I freaking _love_ them! Thank you! Now open yours before I have an emo heart attack."

Patton giggled as they complied, eagerly opening the box. Once they realised what was inside, they audibly gasped. They placed a hand over their mouth in shock, tears springing to their eyes. Their lower lip quivered as they looked to Virgil with glossy eyes.

"Is it really...?"

"Sure is," Virgil replied with a soft smile. "Hope you don't mind that I kinda... took measurements while you were asleep. I _really_ wanted it to be a surprise."

"I don't mind at all," they murmured happily.

They unfolded the gc2b binder and held it to their chest. There was also a necklace with a circular, silver pendant, engravings of the moon and sun in it as well as the words "they" and "them". They smiled from ear to ear as they practically threw themself at Virgil, tackling him to the ground with a hug. Virgil merely laughed and hugged them back.

"I love you, Virgil. I love you so much."

"I love you more."

"Impossible. Merry Christmas, baby."

"Merry Christmas."


End file.
